Both Sides Now (Star Trek: TOS story 2 by Draper)

Fanfiction
Title:	Both Sides Now
Author(s):	Margaret Draper
Date(s):	1981
Length:
Genre(s):	slash
Fandom(s):	Star Trek: TOS
Relationship(s):
External Links:
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Both Sides Now is a Star Trek: TOS story by Margaret Draper.

It was published in Queen Grope.

The story is slash in that Kirk propositions Spock, and when turned down, has sex with his male assistant, Will Decker, a canon character from Star Trek: The Motion Picture.

A Companion Piece

Margaret Draper wrote two stories with the title, "Both Sides Now," and they were printed in the flip-over zine, Bedside Grope/Queen Grope. While not sequels or prequels to each other, this story and Both Sides Now are very much companion pieces in that they portray Kirk as power-hungry and manipulative, and ultimately alienating Spock.

The Title

The story's title is from the 1966 Joni Mitchell song, Both Sides, Now which has a topic of putting on a stoic face after being the subject of unrequited and disappointed love.

Summary

The five-year mission has ended, and Kirk has been an Admiral for two months. He invites Spock to a highly visible, ostentasious dinner at a restaruant in San Francisco.

Kirk babbles on about things, about how his new powers as an Admiral gives him lots of control, and how he can ruin careers just because he wants to. Spock does not like how brash and maniupulate Kirk is, especially after Kirk suggests he could use Spock and his influence on Vulcan and Sarek as an advantage to Kirk's career.

Kirk over-serves Spock alcohol, invites him back to his apartment under the auspices of allowing him the use of his spare room. Instead, Kirk offers him more booze, and sexually propositions him.

Spock, disappointed and angry at Kirk's manipulation of their friendship, ends the friendship.

Kirk ends up having sex with his assistant, Will Decker .

It is suggested that Spock goes home to Vulcan to work with his father.

Excerpts

Kirk did most of the talking throughout the elegant meal; his conversation was light, but somehow with a slightly false ring to Spock's acute ear. His eyes were bright, restlessly bright, as if he were feverish or drunk - and yet, considering this was supposed to be a reunion, there was little drinking being done.

The conversation ranged through society, diplomacy, politics, as Kirk chattered on, and a depression settled over Spock, who was already weary and dispirited from the hours of red-tape involved in de-commissioning the ship. Once or twice he roused himself to try to steer the talk towards matters of mutual interest, but Kirk would not be diverted. Spock retreated again into silence, mechanically eating and drinking whatever was put before him, wondering at the changes in his friend.

By the dessert course, they were on to the subject of the Admiralty. "You'd never believe the powers an admiral has, Spock. Behind the scenes, not just the obvious ones. He can make or break an officer if he wants, block a promotion or hurry one along. The responsibilities... Frightening to think of the possible misuse of those powers though. A corrupt individual..."

"Indeed?" prompted Spock. At the back of his mind, shrilly, there was an alarm bell ringing, cutting through the slight stupor brought about by fatigue and the wine he'd drunk.

"Every man has his price, they say," said Kirk off-handedly. His eyes flickered towards the Vulcan, then away again. "Money, rank, status, power... Take my aide, for instance." He jerked his head towards a blond, slight young man at a solitary table in the corner. "He's so ambitious it hurts." Spock glanced once at the hatchet face with its fanatical blue eyes, then back at Kirk, an eyebrow lifted questioningly. "I think Will Decker would do anything to get his Captain's stripes," said Kirk bluntly.

Spock said nothing; there seemed nothing to say. This new Kirk, with shell of hard sophistication, was almost a stranger. Was this really the Human to whom he had once felt so close?

"Dammit, I've missed you, Spock. We were a great team, you and I. If only we could keep it that way..." his voice was soft, thoughtful; Spock let himself be carried along by its gentle persuasion.

"And it could be, you know. I could make it so. I need you, Spock. I've always needed you - just as you need me..."

Jim's hand on his shoulder was warm, friendly; his voice lapped him in comfort...

"I can help you, trust me... all you've ever wanted... and you would be at my side, helping me, just like before..."

Jim's hazel eyes were huge, soft, brilliant as those stars outside, and his fingertips lightly touching his cheek...

Ambition. Cold calculation and raw excitement. Manipulation and friendship and repulsion and fascination and need.

The heady mixture blasted into Spock's unprepared consciousness. Shocked as if by a cold douche he jerked suddenly upright, his drink spilling over the carpet.

They stared at each other for a moment.

"I think you should be going, Sir. Thank you for a pleasant meal," said the Vulcan formally.

"Spock..." said Kirk pleadingly, reaching out a hand towards him. The Vulcan flinched away, and a little flicker of annoyance woke in Kirk's eyes.

"Ah, c'mon Spock! Anyone'd think I tried to rape you, for Chrissake."

Spock's eyes were steady upon his, and he flushed angrily.

"All right, all right, I get the message. You can keep your damn Vulcan integrity. I'll tell you, though, even if you're not interested, there's others...

"Undoubtedly. I suggest you try elsewhere, then. Goodnight - Admiral."

Kirk tossed back him brandy and rose abruptly to his feet. "I will. Goodnight - Commander'."' And setting down the glass he strode from the room, leaving the Vulcan in a welter of powerful, unfamiliar emotions.

Kirk's footsteps halted in the corridor outside, and for a moment Spock thought - hoped? - he was about to change his mind and return. Then he heard a door swish open, close, and voices came to him clearly through the thin wall dividing him from the neighbouring room. Decker's room. And Decker's voice, laughing, intimate -