The KSA Archive Interview with Spooky

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Interviews by Fans
Title: The KSA Archive Interview with Spooky (Terrë, Yuki)
Interviewer: Taz
Interviewee: Spooky
Date(s): January 2000
Medium: online
Fandom(s): Xena: Warrior Princess, Hercules: The Legendary Journeys
External Links: The KSA Archive Interview with Spooky; archived link
Click here for related articles on Fanlore.

Spooky was interviewed by Taz in January 2000 for The KSA Archive.

See more in this series at The KSA Archive Interviews.

Introduction by Taz

I had the pleasure of Beta-ing Spooky's first posting to KSA (If she found it a pleasure, you can judge for yourself.) and what she says about her writing is true. In her response to questions, Spooky is very honest on the relationship of her life and view point to the fiction that she writes. She says: "Ok. I'm pretty open, so nothing bothers me about answering. Another way of getting demons out. I've tried to pertain it to writing, but I think you possibly asked me some of the deepest questions I've ever been asked, so excuse some of the total shit in my head. lol. This turned into a novel. Hope it makes sense." I think it does.

Some Topics Discussed

Some Excerpts

Do you think it's possible that being aware of mythic archetypes helps a person make sense of their life?

I've never really thought about it in those terms, but, like the bible, there is a myth for every situation, unlike the bible though, they don't always try and beat a lesson into you. I think it's a gentler way of learning, even though they are often violent. People do respond to heroes and monsters better than 'love thy neighbour', which, I think, is why these myths have endured for so long. The stories I learned from mythology fire the imagination, and really, I don't know many people who get all worked up about turning water into wine these days. Fire breathing dragons are another matter entirely.

My main interest is music, so when I started writing slash when I was about 15, I didn't know about fanfic and instead turned to my favorite groups, something I still do. It was only this year, when I was looking for any other fiction for my favorite band that I stumbled across slash. The only fandom that interested me was Hercules, so I read that, and still tend to stick only to Hercfic in media fandoms, although I'm getting into Farscape fic. I'm only interested in slash. Het does nothing for me.

So when you started writing slash -- you didn't imagine yourself as Mary Sue in the arms of oh, say Robert Plant (stop gagging Spooky and tell me, who did you fantasize about at 15?) -- what inspired you and how far did you take your fantasies? I've heard from a lot of people who groped after the concept at that age but couldn't really conceive of two men having sex much less figure out the mechanics. Was Europe more open in 1979 or did you come to it on your own? Had you seen two men having sex for real?

I'm trying not to gag, thanks. Ok. The first band that I ever wrote about was Rush. At first it was just the normal three guys fic, recording, having a laugh, then one day I managed to write them into a situation where Geddy and Alex were sharing a bed and I just wrote them touching each other. It turned me on and I wrote more. I was in a lesbian relationship at that time and it turned her on too. I used to write, she used to read them aloud. The next band was UFO... then it stopped for a long long time. I didn't write for years - too busy having kids - then last year, someone emailed me to say what a great Metallica page I had and mentioned Jason and James looking as if they were about to jump each other's bones... and it started all over again.

I never, ever wrote about women. I never have and never will. Sometimes, I think perhaps I'm a gay male trapped in a woman's body. I've never thought of women as sexual beings (yeah, weird huh) A lot of my outlook on life is male and I find it easier to get on with guys and get into their heads than women.

At the age of 15, I was very sexually aware. My parents never hid anything from me. If I asked a question, it was answered truthfully. Also, because of the things that happened to me, I knew exactly what sex was, what it did, how you did it and how it felt. I can't ever remember a time when I didn't know what sex was.

To me, two men seemed more natural than m/f, therefore when I got into experimenting (willingly) I tried the F/F aspect of things first, because it followed that, if two men were exciting to me and I was a woman, then a lesbian relationship would be more exiting and more fulfilling than m/f.

I was 17 when I first saw men having sex. It just made my fics hotter, because for the first time I really knew what went on. (this is an aside, but its also why I find it easier to write Tallific, because I have caught Kirk and Lars at it. It's a little harder on the TV to imagine it.)

How did you become a fan of the show(s)? What attracts/attracted you to them?

Being a Pagan, I automatically become interested in anything that tells the ancient stories. I saw Hercules on TV and loved it. I was immediately attracted to Iolaus. Hercules didn't interest me at all. Xena don't interest me particularly. I loved the humor and immediately saw the slashy side of the show. It didn't over moralize either, which drives me nuts about most (American) TV shows (Brits don't seem to do that). Well, I must correct myself there. Herc over moralized, but it was more real somehow and he's a flawed being, struggling with his own demons... then there's the tension with him and Iolaus' jealousy of him. That appealed to me.

Can you expand on the idea of the tension between Herc and Iolaus? How would you resolve it in a story -- or have you?

I'm not sure if I have. To me, that tension is there, ever present and never gets resolved, therefore I don't think it's my place to resolve it either. I think that the episodes where Iolaus goes off in a snit because Herc has once again, been the hero of the day are the most interesting. Even though these two guys are friends and have been for years, there's something that gets up Iolaus' nose about it, and out of everything in the entire series, that seems most real - most human, if you will. They become less two dimensional. I also found Iphicles and Herc's relationship fascinating for the same reason, although I think Herc could have shown he was less of a demigod and wiped the floor with his whiny brother. Most people would! In my fic, I like to keep that tension there most of the time. It's rarely resolved and I think it's because of the reality of it, that makes the particular fic believable. No one is perfect, but neither are they always mustache twirling villains. There are often other factors involved. Often, in fics, you find either one or the other. It's the same with sex.

Please expand on this if you can. Did you find the idea of the fannish audience appealing? -- and how did you go about the process?

Yes. The fannish audience was appealing. After writing for so many years to an audience of one, sometimes two, the thought that a few hundred people would read what I had in my mind is a very seductive thing. (It may sound weird and possibly a little pervy). I get more turned on by a piece of good, honest feedback, than I do by my own fic. It's almost like a drug. (I'm sure some of the Authors know what I'm talking about.)

How did I go about the process? Hmm. Well, I found a slash list, read, got an idea of what others wanted and totally ignored it. Then I just got the glimmer of an idea in my head, wrote down two chapters, found a dragon of a beta who slapped me about a bit and told me to try again. I found that first few chapters, the hardest thing I'd ever done, but (and don't get all big headed here, hehe) I chose well.

(I'd like to go into a little more here about that, if I may.) I knew my writing wasn't the best stuff in the world, but I did want to get better, and I was lucky that I asked a beta that was truthful and yelled if I did things wrong. I think that taught me more and was the hardest thing, I nearly gave up and sometimes I sat at the 'puter and cried, because things weren't going well. Slaving over that first chapter of Naming Stars, writing, rewriting, sending, getting it back until you'd honed down what you wanted to see, was the best lesson. I learned an awful lot in that first week, and try to retain it, though now, I'm confident enough of my writing that I don't always need a beta. I've developed my own style, which is half of what I learned and half my own and the way my mind works. After all, it is my style. It may not be by the book, but it works for me. Sometimes I get stuck and ask. I would say that a good beta is the best, even if you only use them now and then to keep the skills honed.(you can deflate your head now, Taz)

And what interests you most -- the tension 'within' your characters or the tension 'between' them? Yes you do write brutal acts. But oddly I find you write from a point of understanding with even your most violent and brutal characters -- so they don't come across as one dimensional Bad Guys. I see this especially, in the work that's closest to your interests but you even extend this to Ares -- you told me once when you were working on your first Hercfic that you conceived of him as an English Public School bully -- Ares as Flashman! Do you think people respond more to the squick factor or the character complexity?

I'm not really a cerebral or deep person. I do find it difficult to get into peoples minds on paper, but I use real life and it seems to work. Tension is what I deal with a lot in my own life, putting up with it and trying to keep it hidden so the kids don't suffer. I watch people a lot and find that tension between everyone. It's very rare you see anyone totally comfortable with another person. I think it's possibly both - tension between and within. If you can create both, then it becomes very real. There are very few people entirely at peace with themselves and others in the world.

The brutality I write is really just a way of dealing with my own personal feelings of violence. I used to just go around smacking people when I felt like it. Nothing was hidden, but as I got more adult and had kids, I realized I couldn't do that anymore and would need other outlets for my feelings. Fic, for me, really is a release. But then... I seem to be able to see it from the guys POV... Take a certain person I love to torture in my Tallific. He raped me, but although I know I'm fucked up with it and it was a bad thing, I can also see why he did it, the circumstances, his reasoning behind what he did, whether right or wrong. I do find it easy to get into peoples heads that way, and I try to make it come across, without getting all deep.

People really read fan fic for pleasure. They don't always want an exploration of the human (or godly) psyche. I'm the same while reading fic. I'm really not sitting there, wondering about the reasons why Ares did that, or Herc did this. I'm enjoying the story. It's only later if I've really enjoyed it, that I go back and think about it. Character complexity to me, is something that just happens. I never map it out.

Different people have different squick factors, and it depends on the person. Personally, I'll go as far as I can, but others have problems even writing rape. I think response depends on the reader. But the writer should go as far as they feel comfortable with. I love to try to squick people personally, but I want emotional response too. I've always said it's harder to make someone cry (esp in writing) than it is to make them laugh and sometimes I'll just go for hanky factor rather than squick. I'm not big on Schmoop, though if I put my mind to it, I've been told I do it well.... and again, I try for realism.

Which story are you the most proud of and why?

It has to be the Soul series, especially the third one - Unforgiven Soul. Everything just worked perfectly. I usually sit at the 'puter and just type the first thing that comes into my head. This one required a little more thought, but when it was done, I was incredibly proud of it. The plot was good, the relationships between the complicated characters were good and I especially enjoyed the imagery. The four elemental characters had a life of their own and the interaction with Ares, Iphicles, Herc and Iolaus was totally believable, IMHO.

Which character(s) do you most enjoy writing and why?

Haha. Not Herc characters, but we won't go into that unless you want to. Obviously I love my own ( ! ) elementals, but out of the hercverse characters, Iolaus, of course and Ares is growing on me. I think probably Iolaus, because he is very like me in some ways, personality-wise. I find it easy to get into his head. Ares is something unknown and I like that, although I do get bored with gods who can do anything. The two together, work especially well.

What are your feelings on feedback and story critiquing?

I think it's needed. When I posted one fic, I got hardly any response and it really knocked me back as a writer. I'd worked my heart out on the fic and to only get three emails was a bit of a blow. I know I'm not the greatest writer in the world, but I feel writers really do need honest feedback to grow and I'm a great believer in encouragement.

What stories are you working on now?

Nothing Herc. I don't feel the energy given to writing is worth the lack of response. I mean, when it comes down to it, most authors write for feedback. It's the ego thing. I'm truthful enough with myself, to recognize that's why I write. I may not be a great writer, but I have my fans and it is often them who get me through a day when everything has been total shit... when the hubby is being a wanker, the kids scream nonstop and life in general doesn't seem good. It is them that I write for, because they give me my sanity in return.

Would you die if your mother found out?

No. She knows. There's nothing in it for her. She doesn't give a shit.

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