Both Sides Now (Star Trek: TOS story 1 by Draper)
| Fanfiction | |
|---|---|
| Title: | Both Sides Now |
| Author(s): | Margaret Draper |
| Date(s): | 1981 |
| Length: | |
| Genre(s): | slash |
| Fandom(s): | Star Trek: TOS |
| Relationship(s): | |
| External Links: | |
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Both Sides Now is a Star Trek: TOS story by Margaret Draper.
It was published in Bedside Grope.
The story is subtle slash.
A Companion Piece
Margaret Draper wrote two stories with the title, "Both Sides Now," and they were printed in the flip-over zine, Bedside Grope/Queen Grope. While not sequels or prequels to each other, this story and Both Sides Now are very much companion pieces in that they portray Kirk as power-hungry and manipulative, and ultimately alienating Spock.
Songfic
The story's title, and the lyrics Spock quotes are from the 1966 Joni Mitchell song, Both Sides, Now which has a topic of putting on a stoic face after being the subject of unrequited and disappointed love.
An excerpt:
- And if you care, don't let them know
- Don't give yourself away
- I've looked at love from both sides now
- From give and take and still somehow
- It's love's illusions that I recall
- I really don't know love
- I really don't know love at all
- Tears and fears and feeling proud
- To say, "I love you, " right out loud
- Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
- I've looked at life that way
Summary
Kirk and Spock are close; it is insinuated that they are lovers. After an intimate game of chess in Kirk's cabin, Spock says,
- "Get to bed, Jim," said Spock, exasperated. Their eyes met, briefly, and Kirk grinned wolfishly as he put out a hand to help the Vulcan rise.
- "My thoughts exactly, Mr Spock."
Kirk invites a woman, Admiral Stella Mayhew, who he feels might advance his career, to spend the night with him, and sends Spock away in an abrupt and hurtful manner. Spock can hear them through their adjacent cabin walls as Kirk denigrates Spock while in bed with Mayhew. "My loyal Vulcan -- kick him and he comes back for more... To hell with Spock."
Spock feels humiliated, then angry, and makes plans to leave the Enterprise and go back to Vulcan.
Excerpts
"Komack and Mendez," repeated Kirk, restlessly rising to his feet again and pacing about his cabin. "Komack and Mendez and Mayhew."
"Those are the probable members of the admiralty board, yes, Jim," answered Spock patiently, leaning back in his chair. His eye followed, with some amusement, the antics of his all-too-human captain.
"If Uhura's right, that is?"
"Her sources are generally reliable."
"Mmm. Yes, the Fleetcom grapevine's the best in the business."
Spock raised a fastidious eyebrow, and began to dismantle the chess game.
"Mendez is fine," Kirk continued, ignoring him. "Jose and I go way back. Komack - well..."
Spock nodded understanding. "His good will could not be depended on. But surely, Jim, your record must speak for itself when your promotion prospects are under consideration?"
"That's what I'm afraid of!" Kirk laughed. "What do you know about Mayhew?"
Spock sighed gently. "Mayhew, Stella," he began obediently. "Starfleet service number M-0392-71659. Rank, Admiral. Current assignment. Head of Shorebased Operations, previously administrative head of Starfleet Academy, dean of engineering, lecturer in applied physics... Shall I go on? Mr Scott could no doubt give you more information on her early career."
"A woman," breathed Kirk. Spock looked at him reproachfully.
"An academic, Jim. Ms Mayhew is highly regarded in her own field of supra-light speed technology. Sex is immaterial... "
"Oh, yeah?"
Spock's fingers paused for a moment among the chess pieces, and a pained expression flitted across his face. "Must you take everything personally, Jim?"
"If I can!"
In his quarters, Spock sank into a chair, shaken. His hands pressed to those damnably sensitive ears, he strove desperately to block the sounds filtering through from the adjacent room. But within his mind the words still rang: to hell with Spock. The loyalty and friendship of five years whistled down the wind for ambition’s sake, and a momentary gratification of the senses.
Oh, he could understand it all right. The young man, Starfleet's golden boy, anxious to secure his advancement by fair means or foul - and the ageing Admiral, grabbing every chance, for a little happiness before youth was gone...
He could understand. But not forgive.
Kirk's determination - his ruthlessness, even - Spock had long accepted. But this... this deliberate cynicism, this buying and selling of the flesh - this was something new.
Coldly, Spock forced himself to re-assess Kirk, the man he'd called 'friend'. Kirk with human women, with aliens, even androids. Kirk, the human who'd drawn him into this sickening whirlpool of emotion... Human emotion.
Round and round his brain the words from a song he'd heard once were chasing, idiotically.
- And if you care, don't let them know,
- Don't give yourself away -
His stomach churned.
Human... How could he have allowed himself to be dragged down to their level? He was Vulcan.
His fingers steepled, he strove to control the turmoil within. Vulcan. The mind ruled...
"To hell with Spock."
His grasp tightened, anger slowly surfacing.
"And to hell with you, James Kirk," he said aloud.
Deliberately, he reached for the console controls on the work-table.
"Computer - Give me a schedule of passenger flights - to Vulcan."
The five year mission was over. He was going home.